


What's in a name?

by GenerallyGentle



Series: The Adventure Writing Zone [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Memory problems suck, My first time writing something for this fandom that doesn't have at least some speech (I think), Suggestion of permanent memory loss, Talk about gnomish culture, Talk about memory issues, Vague suggestion of trans davenport (that I will go into in a later fic)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-22 03:13:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14299551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GenerallyGentle/pseuds/GenerallyGentle
Summary: Names, memories of names, and the importance of such.





	What's in a name?

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I know this one is super disconnected and potentially full of spelling/grammar errors... But I wrote it in the middle of kind of an episode after a serious conversation with a friend, and I wanted to post it in its raw form, so most of it is unedited.
> 
> So, context before all this: I have serious issues with dissociative amnesia, and paired with the occasional psychotic episode it means that I sometimes struggle to even remember my chosen name through the fog, and I'm left with only my birth name.  
> My name is important to me, especially with all of the positive things connected to it, so forgetting an important part of myself against my will is distressing in the moment and even more distressing as a concept after the episode is done.
> 
> Okay, enough rambling. He's your... Sorta all over the place angst.

Gnomish names were an intrinsic part of their culture.

First names are given. Altered over time or tossed away if it no longer fits.  
Nicknames pop up at random. Handed to the receiver by friends and family with humor or genuine care.  
Last names are kept. An important tie to family lines and the pride that comes with them.

Davenport picked his first name. The one that he'd been given hadn't grown with him, feeling awkward and constricting by the time he was 10 or so. He'd told his mother and she'd spent the night alongside him picking out a new one completely.

He'd picked up several nicknames as he grew. His siblings tossed them at him near constantly, although few of them stuck long enough in his memory to continue on into adulthood. His parents' lay warm in his heart, every single one that was given to him holding a special place that he almost crawl into when things got overwhelming.  
His crew was the next to present a multitude of nicknames, all forcefully held into place through endless jokes rehashing themselves into the ground until they eventually became tiring. A few stood out along the trip; Capnport being the one that floated to the top, standing out in an obnoxious way until it developed into a stupid kind of warmness.

His last name was personal. The reason why he was always known as "Captain Davenport".  
It was private information known to no one but him and his personal IPRE paperwork. Even after a hundred years he'd managed to keep that information on lock down, held in his brain like a treasure for times when he needs to remember home and his own worth as a gnome.

They were important, personal and his own...

And in a world shattering moment they were gone.

-

In the wake of rebuilding, Davenport is focused on trying to put himself together.

Months later there are still empty voids in his memory. Static clinging to information that he can't scrub away no matter how hard he tries- it begins to feel hopeless, as if all of it is lost to time.

The concept is hard to wrestle with.  
Especially given the hardest hit to his person-hood, a realization that strikes him suddenly and leaves his head spinning;  
His names might be gone. For the rest of his life.

His given name, in all its sickening nostalgia, is lost to the winds of cycles long past. He knows that it wasn't all that important in hindsight, but it still feels like a missing piece, and it makes his head hurt to think about it for to long.

He knows the nicknames will come back eventually. That's just the way his crew is. But the context feels lost on him, leaving him grasping at straws re-remembering the reasoning through a brain that feels slower- that feels broken.

But... It's the last name that digs a hole into his heart.  
His family is the biggest memory he strives for still. He still struggles to remember their faces, and he barely remembers home at all... The comfort and familiarity he once felt is empty and it leaves him feeling more alone than before.

He knows why all of it hurts the way it does.  
Names are important in his culture, they're a part of their personality and act as markers to special times in their lives...  
But names are nothing without context. Without their use names are just another word, another collection of letters with a set definition and lacking a person beneath it.  
It's less the names, and more the memories beneath them, the things that back up their worth and meaning. 

The connection to his past - the sentiments his birth name.  
The connection to his teammates - the sentiments of his nicknames.  
The connection to home and family - the sentiments of his last name.  
The importance of these names - the personal meanings they held and the way they shaped his personality.

In the trail of emptiness, Davenport contemplates personality and importance, putting together scraps of a hundred different things.


End file.
